As I sit here in front of my laptop in the middle of the night, waiting for my friends to reply to the messages I sent days ago, I wonder how much things have changed in the last few years. As an awkward teenager who struggled to converse with strangers and even acquaintances, I remember having a close-knit group of friends in school, even though I was mostly part of multiple groups that had just one person besides me.

I remember walking straight to my friends in the classroom everyday, in full excitement to describe how my day went post-school the day before. Sometimes, we’d be laughing over a hilarious meme or a random throwback image sent on the WhatsApp group, and sometimes we would gang up for notes on that one friend in the group who managed to finish their homework on time. It was silly but incredible how we were aware of even the most mundane details in each other's lives.

As we grow older, I wonder if these old friendships are lost in time. I certainly believe that they are not. We might be walking on a foggy road, but as soon as we lift our arms in distress, asking for help, there will come a familiar touch, transferring the strength needed to walk through the fog.

It’s not easy to grow old and keep replacing people who form a part of our daily lives. Cancelling plans for lunch because one person can't make it, calling someone just to hear back that they are busy living their daily life of which you are not an active part anymore certainly disappoints. But this disappointment occurs only when you know those friendships mean something to you. Perhaps these are our only solace in a world where we can feel lost sometimes. Or perhaps, it's an inner desire to stay connected to the people who shaped us into the person we are today.

When I catch up with old friends, the conversations feel as if I am entering into a house full of familiar people, where I know I can be my authentic self without hesitation, where I know I am safe and away from all the miseries of adulting.

But even in those times, I am fearful of the thought of not seeing them again for the next few months, to carry on with life knowing that the feeling of belongingness is a bit distant, uncertain as to when it will be felt again….